We have moments in our lives when we catch ourselves doing something we never thought we would do. Think about it: Where have you been or what have you done recently that feels like it wasn’t supposed to actually happen? Maybe it was a YOLO trip to the other side of the world, or the realization that the person right under your nose is “the one”. Maybe it’s simply getting on stage for the first time at an audition.

One of the great joys of life is allowing ourselves to explore possibilities that were, up to that point, unexplored. We’re often surprised by the serendipitous presentation of these possibilities – they sort of seem to manifest out of thin air – and we react in the defensible, evolutionary ways humans do.

“I can’t do that!”…”Could I really do that?”…”I’m doing it!”

The internal processing of sudden possibilities

Now, I’m no psychologist, and I’m not professing some profound, breakthrough framework or cognitive definition here, but my internal processing of sudden possibilities goes something like that. I’m sure someone much more scientific than I has given this a complex, winding clinical definition in some textbook on an academic shelf somewhere.

I just know that’s the typical process for me.

“I can’t do that!”

It’s kind of interesting that we do this to ourselves. Anthropologies and evolutionary scientists will say this is a defensive mechanism we humans have developed – for good reason. Wayward or cockamamy adventures that drift outside of the norms for our pre-human ancestors was greatly increased the chances of death.

I can imagine a curious, young prehistoric humanoid trolling around a field with the tribe at the beginning of spring…when his eye is caught by a pretty, unique flower…he reaches down to pick it…examines it…and succumbs to his most natural instinct, which is to stuff it into his furry mouth. The mother notices at just the last second, slapping his hand from the near proximity of his lips, with alarming grunts.

“What are you, insane?! Don’t eat that! We don’t know what it is. You will die.”

And, there, in that moment, the internal monologue sees it’s first opportunity to step out on center stage: “I can’t do that.”

Sometimes your inner naysayer is good. They warn us of (probably) bad ideas. The challenge for you, the conscious actor, is to weigh their overly protective considerations against the pragmatic reality of the decision in front of you.

Try this exercise to test whether this imaginary bodyguard is being overly sensitive:

• Can I physically do [thing]?
• Can I emotionally handle [thing]?
• Does [thing] fit into my life right now?
• Would [thing] greatly disrupt my chances of achieving or serving [another important need]?

If you cannot answer “Yes” to all of these, then your bodyguard is probably right. Put that thing on the back burner for now. In case you didn’t notice, this exercise is about being specific. That’s really crucial to grasp if you struggle with how to deal with your internal negativity. Challenge your conscious to test your circumstances with specificity.

(Also, keep in mind that just because you went though the exercise and you agree “I can’t do that”, none of this is in any absolute terms. It just means you can’t do that now. Repeat the exercise as often as you’d like as things in your life change to see if, in fact, you can now do this [thing]!)

“Could I really do that?”

Hey! You’ve passed the first step! You went through the exercise and now understand that the bossy buzzkill in our head is really just an over-caffeinated, protective nanny. You realized, by being specific, that in fact you can do this [thing]. But…how?

That’s your next crux. Just in the same way you were specific in evaluating the [thing] to decide whether or not it’s actually possible, now you’re going to be specific about the how.

If you’ve got to move to accomplish the [thing], then when? Do you have a budget for a moving company, or do you need to do it yourself? Where are you moving to? What’s the rental market like? How will you research the neighborhoods? Will you have roommates? On and on and on…until you’ve completely exhausted all the major questions.

How does your family feel about [thing]? Are they supportive? If not, can you see them becoming supportive over time? What do you need from them to make this happen? If your married, is your spouse on board? Have you started the discussions and the logistical planning? What about your kids, your siblings, or that close aunt or uncle of yours?

You’ll notice I didn’t include your “friends”. Friends come and go throughout life. Don’t worry about what they will think about your [thing] – even your very best friend(s).

The more you explore the specifics of doing the [thing] – discussions with family and loved ones, logistical planning, prerequisites needed – the more the reality of doing the [thing] will come into sharper and sharper focus. Get into the weeds. Imagine yourself doing it. Literally daydream it. But do the research and the work to prepare, too.

“I’m doing it!”

The more familiar you become with your planning and visioning, the more possible it becomes. You’re doing the [thing] without even really realizing it! In effect, as soon as you accept the second step and start working on it, you’re already at step three. That allows the actual doing of “it” to be so much more natural when it actually happens.

Interestingly, when I was exploring the idea of applying to acting school in New York City, I didn’t spend a whole lot of time in step one. From early on in the discovery of the possibility or going to acting school, I quickly determined it was indeed possible. Maybe that’s part of who I am (I’m an Aquarius, after all) or maybe the possibility of acting school was just such a deeply organic idea that completely aligned with my life at the time. Either way, that part was easy.

Instead, I got caught in step two. And more pointedly, I was hesitant to accept that the planning of going to acting school was, in effect, an acceptance of step three – that I was in fact “doing it”.

My over-caffeinated inner nanny kept coming back over and over during step two.

• This is selfish of you to move your wife and baby to New York City to pursue your selfish goals. You can’t do this!
• NYC is expensive! You can’t do this!
• NYC is cold! You live in Florida, for crying out loud. You can’t do this!
• Your taking your young baby away from grandparents. They’ll be heartbroken. You can’t do this!

But what helped break the cycle and muzzle the nanny for good was my wife. She called me out on allowing my nanny to poke her nagging head into the middle of our step two conversations. On one hand, we’d be researching neighborhoods near one of the schools I’ve been accepted to and am seriously considering. But on the other, I was actively avoiding the extremely difficult conversation I knew we inevitably had to have with her family to let them know we are leaving. She’s very close with her family, and this would mean her mother will no longer see her first-born grandchild every day.

“I’m not sure we should talk to them yet”, I thought I was reasoning. “I haven’t picked a school.”

“You’re going to get in and we’re going to go” she finally fired back in utter frustration. “We’re already doing this.”

She had me pinned. She was right. I had already gotten into a prestigious acting conservatory by this point, and I knew that if I wasn’t accepted to any other program, I would go to this one. Merely by spending hours researching neighborhoods, apartments, and buildings down to the street corner to ensure it’s walkable for the baby and there’s plenty of green space for our doggo, we were in fact “doing it” already.

By forcing me to recognize this truth, she removed my “well, I haven’t picked a school yet” safety blanket. Making such a monumental decision is freeing. Now, we can simply plan our move.

And, yes…we’re “doing” it!

In what ways can you apply this simply three-step process for internalizing sudden possibilities?